We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. lets_be_honest I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. The female of the species carry the offspring. FireStar reader, Junebug2589+, writes (22 November 2008): A Dude, get away from this guy pronto! Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. lets_be_honest I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. So he literally now has to reap what he sows as the consequences of his actions. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. Wanting nothing to do with his child, which like it or not seems to be coming, is not acceptable- and a mature girlfriend would help him to see that these are the cards hes been dealt, and that he now has to work with them. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. No matter how many precautions you take, if a pregnancy occurs you have to accept that its because of what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? She didnt rape him. Are you kidding? I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. If the woman is not required to support a child We have the means to resolve pregnancy issues. female But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). If he didnt want to wear condomwhateverIll even give him the benefit there. Yes, he could have done worse by refusing to pay child support and not wanting to be in the child s life or being an alcoholic abusive parent, or what have you. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. Even when they both want the same thing. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? P.S. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. It merely reduces the chances. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. Though Ill grant you one concession: Not having this man in a childs life might be a blessing in disguise. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Im sure youll do a wonderful job! You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. According to this, then, a woman should have the choice of forcing the child, once born, onto the father, and then only paying child support for a couple of decades. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). Well, they dont entirely disregard fairness to the mother and/or father, but the childs interests take precedent. When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): A April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. Not your body, not your choice. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. landygirl Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. WTF are you reading? Therefore, move on. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? Hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood, and it is an egregious breach of the implied sexual contract for the woman to turn around and say, Whups, knocked up! If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. Thank God for the laws in place protecting children against men like you. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. Does that change the situation as all? Dr. Sherry. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? It could fail. Cut your losses and get the hell out. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. You have to give up one or the other. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. April 9, 2012, 11:08 am. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? And for some reason people always seem to have the idea that it wont happen to them. whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. Talk about malarky. This does sound like a lot of cod wallop and baby malarky shenanigans to me as well. Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. Welcome.In todays video I PRANK MY GIRLFRIEND !I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. I think you handled your situation in the best way possible. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. skyblossom Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! She got pregnant. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. You deserve each other! You pack of hypocrites. It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. Has she tried to convince him to come back to her? I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. After 2 months, I initiated for a comeback. LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? But Susie is looking forward to going away to college. And hes 28. Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. He might very well be an immature asshole. The idea that he owes his life to her now that hes fathered her child is precisely the reason so many people are in unhappy marriages and there is such a high number of marital affairs. Its none of your business. Hes an idiot either way. female It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? She may have been sweet and loving throughout the relationship, but when she stopped being her best self or caring about what you think, she became angry, vicious, or revengeful. Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. The states dont advertise this. 8. Once again its the way the LW and the bf (at least the way the LW is presenting his reactions) acted about the potential baby that are rubbing people the wrong way. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. Think of the children. It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. He let you go. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. Terrance Dean. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A female Its one thing that he says he will pay for it (Im assuming this means child support), but a true father doesnt just look at this as a once a month payment for 18 years. Read the comments. He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. And how can you be mad at the woman? Painted_lady Do you want a man who doesnt want to be in a childs life because it means being with you? But what a guy usually doesn't take into consideration is that a lot has happened after the breakup. Heres how I interpreted it. However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. Nothing about that makes him the definition of immature or of an asshole. Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? We all know that going in. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! Chuck Pelto Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. Cmon now, youd never buy that argument for forcing the woman to have the child. The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. Abortion is safe and legal, right? Thats a dudes view. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. female She looked enough to bang, though, huh? So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. How fast his new relationship is moving. Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. He has a requirement to the mother of his child as well. If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. caitie_didnt All magically on the pill? But, in reality it takes two to have sexual intercourse and two people to make a baby. 2. Who the hell else is clicking that button??! Can you elaborate? I take it, then, that your position is that a man should never ever have sex unless hes either (a) sterile, or (b) willing to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, but that a woman has those choices but also can opt for an abortion and so can opt out of the obligation of a child.
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