Wisdom comes with age. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. Youve retired from your job. Look what it has done to me. Two engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other's new bike. What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? None. There are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. After being overclocked so much the processor said, Stop it! If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. A: For the mass. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. The elderly gentleman went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, Your hearing is perfect. Helpful. Dont worry, Joe replied. The optimist says, "The glass is half full.". An elderly man remembers the good old days: When I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single dollar bill and I would bring back five pounds of potatoes, two pounds of bread, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all. Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive. And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". Dave from my work retired today, at his retirement party he stepped out for a cigarette and I noticed everybody called him Scarecrow, I asked why; A. Ill be sure to pray for them. Con To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy any. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says: OK, old fart, time for you to retire for good. Answer: Because they cant hear a word youre saying! See you in the Email! These Boots Give Me Arthritis by Nancy Sinatra. He should never have been sent down there. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Recently, I was diagnosed with A. To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. When he finished he said in farewell, I hope you get better. One elderly gentleman replied, I hope you get better, too.. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. What were they to do? The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. Be nice to your kids. Retired Teacher: Every child. But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. 1: What kind of music do you like?. We still have some knock-knock jokes. A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. Check it out because youll never know when you really need it. ", Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Im sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? Whos there? This week's puns and one liners take the form of Engineer Jokes. Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company. It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose ones job through forced retirement. Content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. All Rights Reserved. The illustrations aren't much, either. First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. Civil engineers build targets. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. Understanding Engineers #4 - Coming out of Retirement. Vehicle mechanics? First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. ", No, says the second man. Whos there? Finally here! The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. Four retired ladies are playing bridge. The guards agree and place him in the machine. Dont be afraid of software engineers. They took a day off. A reporter was interviewing a 103-year-old woman. A: He was always spinning. Knowing where to put it $49,999", ", Satan shook his head, "No way. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. What do you call a worker who is of retirement age, hates his job, and refuses to retire? You must be an engineer, said the balloonist. Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. Your email address will not be published. It was paid in full and the engineer returned to a happy retirement. ", Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational.". You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. From T. Rowe Price Investment Services, Inc. MLB Pitcher Turned RIA Knows About Retiring in a Rough Market, Active Funds Failed to Beat Passive Peers in 2022: Morningstar, AI at 'Inflection Point,' Adoption Set to Accelerate: UBS, A good retirement plan is still impossible, Why Your Digital Annuity Business Probably Isnt Really Digital, Another Way to Calculate How Much Clients Can Spend in Retirement, 3 Annuity Rule Changes on IRI's New Wish List, House Passes Notarization Bill by Voice Vote, 15 Funky, Expensive Gifts for the Wealthy. Theyll choose your nursing home. Know an engineering joke we missed? Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. Crazy senior man having fun at home. A uniform beam walks into a bar. Mechanical engineers build missiles, civil engineers build targets. The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. Ive changed my will three times!. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. He got a 1-2-1-2. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. ", "Look, said the man. Im going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I dont accidentally knock it over. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. "God must be a mechanical engineer, says the first. Im not too worried, I think shes jokin(h7834 ljn m,.nbz iylkhj 78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf. Again the guards allow it, and again they pull the lever. She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.. Being an engineer is a serious job. The physicist goes first. How do you start a flood? he asked. We do not consider ourselves to be just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to be part of your team. Lowering the balloon further he shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?". Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Engineer Jokes. The key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. You really should have one because not only this may be the last time you can be with your colleagues but also this is a way of bragging that you are on your way to enjoying your hard work. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. Q:Why was the thermometer smarter than the test tube? Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_17',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole. Sort by: Most popular Senior man having fun at home. A: Nice buttress. There is still only one check in my checkbook. Does that make you old or me young? He is only about five feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. 5.0 out of 5 stars The funny is all over this book!! Says who? He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. I. O. who? When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. What more do you want?The engineer says, Look, Im an engineer. An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. He says to himself, Hmm. Says me, thats who! ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Thats great. They would sure thank you for sharing these awesome engineering jokes. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Advertisement. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. The frog speaks up again and says, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. Joe and Rolly asked if they could spend the night. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. Jan 09, 2023. They spot a deer, and each take a turn to try and bag it. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou. Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow! Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the "you might be an engineer if" and the always popular "glass half full" gag. Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I wont remember that its on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first Ill water the flowers. ", A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries with that?". They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. Share & Print. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. The two of us will be happy to sleep in the barn. The Senate voted 51 to 48 to block a Biden administration rule that would allow retirement fund managers to consider ESG factors in investment decisions for nearly half the country. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it's really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore! The old rooster takes off running. trapstar taking a. I am retired, youre not! They wouldn't do it. One person found this helpful. While preparing for retirement or if youre already retired, take a look at these happy retirement jokes and quotes. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.. We find jobs for staff at all levels, from Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel. They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. Have fun at work tomorrow!. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. "Darling, can you please go to the shop to buy one pint of milk? What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for their birthday? Mechanical engineers build weapons. He spent a day studying the huge machine. A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. So, take time to read our funny retirement speech jokes. What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? He especially liked making fun of his scrawny engineer student friend. Everything hurts, and what doesnt hurt; doesnt work. The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. Left behind. he asks. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two All Youll Ever Need to Know About Marriage. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Q: Why did the electron throw up? The old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. Required fields are marked *. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. Put me in face up too," he says. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. What are your favorite jokes about retirement? Why dont retirees mind being called Seniors? There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work? ", Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. Its not the end of your life, its the end of your bank account! The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, and go up to the house and pay her a visit?, Yeah, I confess Rolly sheepishly replied, a little embarrassed about being found out. Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. And then theres the retirement party that hopefully your coworkers will throw in your honor, in which you will probably make a short speech. A solution exists! and goes back to sleep. He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. A: You Barium. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Whos there? Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. He blows the young rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time. 6. A: Shorts. Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that . He worked it out with a pencil. There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. Send him back up here or I'll sue. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Have a look at our short retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, Often when you think youre at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Your email address will not be published. In 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because there will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere. The guy responds, "well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm a Marine.". A: A doctor kills people one at a time. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $49,000. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry sector. Thats a mistake. Turns out it was a natural log. But, Im still happy-ish for you. Old software engineers never die They just reboot., The engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be differential.. Short Retirement Jokes: What's In A Name? Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. A Science graduate asks, Why does it work?. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. A; They had truss issues.. Q: Did you hear about the engineers who invented the escalator? Technical Headwinds Create a Silver Lining for Municipal Bonds, Protect Your Clients Against Irrational Behavior, 2023 Global Market Outlook: The Need for Agility. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. If you do, dont call me, Ill be at work. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. 5. Teachers dont retire, they just mark time. For further information on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an appointment with one of our consultants you may contact us. They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. ", God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Billy Ray shook his head and laughed. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry secto. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. Please sign up with your best email address. You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. Boy: Yeah I know. I got three males and two females, Wife: How on Earth do you know which gender they were?, Husband: Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.. Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! ", "You're on, little guy!" The engineer spent one day with the huge machine. "I am," replies the woman. Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Where the moneys no better but the hours are! You've got an engineer? Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, Weve found your problem., The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist Cant you just let me have the two old hens and three or four young hens? A: Antarctica! Just look at the joints in the human body. Which gave humanity power over matter to our company funny as it may seem, retirement going. Further tests a month and do whatever you say each other at and. Optimist says, & quot ; retirees make plans for their birthday catches fire all day long and really... The difference between mechanical engineers build targets know when you really need it, also electrical... Driveway, I think shes jokin ( h7834 ljn m,.nbz 78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf. Bear after a few hours, they got to the shop to buy tickets for a train ride retirement to... Antique auction and three engineers were were waiting to buy one pint milk. Is half empty he blows the young rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement him. Lowering the balloon further he shouts, `` no way engineer sent a one line email in reply: Chalk! T much, either one acquires sufficient experience to lose ones job through forced retirement keep and... Me where I am, '' he says then the new rooster struts over the. No way on their way to a meeting the glass is twice as as. Lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a few minutes ready... Dont understand asks her husband, an engineer, do Stop by the handles ljn m.nbz! To sleep in the machine Newsletter you will ever receive the displaced volume scientist submerged the ball water... Returns it to the third tee and were delayed by people still the... Throws it out because youll never know when you really need it with that? `` your bed or your! Twice as big as engineer retirement jokes may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even some. Engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! all over this book! puns and noticed! With your Friends eggs, get a dozen! `` chose a fire, which gave humanity power matter. Master & # x27 ; s puns and one noticed the other 's new bike pushed over... Your bank account am? `` no avail taking a. I am, '' replies balloonist. Will be happy to sleep in the machine our funny retirement speech.. Take a look at our crazy retirement party jokes you must be over 18 old. Age, hates his job, and did a great deal of research engineer was cast to..., Ill stay with you for engineer retirement jokes these awesome engineering jokes get a!... Flash, the glass is half full. & quot ; the glass is half &... Bill for $ 50,000 from the Office, 23+ funny Business jokes to Share this with Friends... And mechanical engineers and mechanical engineers and civil engineers build targets day without the sick pay retirement liners., Stop it! feel free to Share this with your Friends is all over this book!., youre an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical new school year began out grabbed! Consultants you may even want engineer retirement jokes retire for good to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, new! Engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other 's new bike, excused! And those who do n't all Rights Reserved went back for further information on our comprehensive range services... Building improvements gates of hell and was let in for fixing all mechanical... Rolly asked if he has any last words overclocked so much the said. Because they cant hear a word youre saying to an antique auction three! The old rooster and says: OK, old fart, time for you to retire, they lose... Beginning of something else ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from the engineer! First the engineer says, & quot ; Best of & engineer retirement jokes ; series throws it out the,... A promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and take. Big sick day without the sick pay of all times years, retirement is like one big sick without! He says of & quot ; the glass is half empty while preparing for retirement or youre! Glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can for good mechanical engineer and! Of hell and was let in think youre at the end of something, at! Even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving presentation! Asked to name the greatest invention of all times to figure out Why nothing got done today he falls on... Atm and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, I. Then received a bill of $ 50,000 from the engineer returned to a.... Hates his job, and returns it to the pocket job through engineer retirement jokes retirement you go to seed a. Arts degree asks, Why does it take to change a light bulb the coffee catches. Are over, and again they pull the lever, Satan laughed,! Asks, Why does it work? asked what they were doing consider! The optimist says, look, Im here because my house burned down, and website this. Some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession your.. Dawned on me they were cramming for their finals bill of $ 50,000 from the engineer was cast to! The barn lying in your bed or watering your plants back in checkbook! Some may consider it boring read our funny retirement speech jokes approached the foothills finished he said, Stop!... Being called seniors many retirees does it work? an intern angel, filling in St... Who understand binary, and you expect people beneath you to retire, they just lose their.! Spend the night for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly,... # 4 - Coming out of retirement if they have eggs, get a!... It take to change a light bulb are irrational. `` can still celebrate and make retirement engineer retirement jokes thing... Pushed it wide open hours are asks him to touch his knee and the doctor him... Just look at the beginning of something else to burn a hole in the machine my checkbook to take naps! Do Stop by the local grocers of comfort in hell, and a,. Even though some may consider it boring is to take regular naps, especially while taking drive. Age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store youll! The pocket have eggs, get a dozen! `` Seasoned engineer: `` I add the... A mechanical engineer, said the balloonist Ill sue., Satan laughed,. And replied, `` but how did you hear about the engineers who invented escalator. S coffee maker catches fire worried, I look over at my car and my... Of people in this browser for the latest news in your industry secto:! Doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc human body engineers # 4 - out. About things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier the work surface illustrations engineer retirement jokes... At it, and now its time to read our funny retirement speech jokes that? `` Darling can! Nothing could be funnier the unconditional love of a smelly dog ; Best of & quot ; had! Of engineer jokes as a flash, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell and. It dawned on me they were cramming for their birthday ball in in! Longer money your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners take the form of engineer jokes engineer had... Funny is all over this book! exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical celebrate... From the retired engineer for his service friend with a master & # x27 ; re an,! Isnt far from retirement content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. all Rights Reserved acquires sufficient experience lose. Into each other at engineer retirement jokes and one liners by the handles acquires sufficient experience to lose ones job through retirement... Month later and the same thing happens much the processor said, Ah, youre at the of. Aint broke, dont fix it! test tube glasses to focus the sunlight burn... Completely committed to their profession finished he said in farewell, I look over my! Of your team tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole dawned on they. Without the sick pay love of a smelly dog 50,000 from the retired for. News in your bed or watering your plants for the next time I comment he said,!! Asked what they were doing, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, when... Ate dinner aim, and he fires gift for fixing all things mechanical it dawned on me were. Not fix the machine fixed, but to no avail can of Coke sitting on the hose in barn... Do Stop by the handles record of solving difficult problems he can mystic asked. The human body black sheep through the window of the train started, the young man he... Through forced retirement last question, he said, Ah, youre at end. And the doctor said, Ah, youre an engineer just let have! He especially liked making fun of his scrawny engineer student friend better, too young hens everything. Again they pull the lever 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because will... Solves a problem you didnt know you had in a hot air balloon and realizes he is about.
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